No Return
No Return: An Audio Drama by Kier Zhou
Enjoy yourself in the chaotic, fantastical world of "No Return," where the worldbuilding ambition rivals Robert Jordan, the humour channels Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams, and the violence echoes Tom Sharpe—all wrapped in the indie punk aesthetic of a one man band making content on a laptop powered by a potato.
This full cast comedy fantasy spans a diverse array of tales:
- Clumsy Divine Quests: Join researchers on accidental divine missions.
- Mercenary Chaos: Witness comedic clashes between mercenaries and foreign warships.
- Eerie Mysteries: Delve into the haunting search for lost children.
- Ancient Secrets: Unearth treacherous truths in the Darklands.
- Sinister Plots: Navigate a city's dark underbelly filled with kidnappings and dark schemes.
- Ensemble Comedy of Errors: Dive into epic fantasy battles where magic and mayhem reign supreme.
- Actual Play: Follow the gripping saga of a burning city and the heroes fighting for its survival amidst chaos and intrigue. Told through a tightly edited TTRPG actual play.
And remember, for those seeking extra tales and behind-the-scenes magic, check out:
[https://patreon.com/NoReturnAD]
No Return
2: The Fate of Daya: The Adventurers and The City
Episode Art by Jim Tuohy
Jim Tuohy Art
Gamesmaster provided by Hearthfire Tales
All seems well in Daya and the war is finally going the right way! Daya’s Army and it’s allies are marching to the destruction of the warlords who have plagued the land for almost a century. Hope is in the air, a new future just on the horizon… nothing could possibly go wrong.
Welcome to our vibrant world where gods have abandoned mortals and an intriguing adventure awaits you.
Uncover the secrets of the city of Daya together with our exceptional players - Cameron, Gemma, and Jack and, our amazing GM, Dylan (Kier is also present).
Follow us as we navigate through Daya’s bustling streets and uncover the city's complex dynamics.
We introduce Jack's character, a gentleman in patchwork armour with an intriguing morning ritual and a peculiar fixation on barrels. Meet Gemma’s character, a half-nix, ex merc, member of the Moon Shields! And Cameron’s character! A noble son from the lands to the west, down on his luck and forced to thieve to feed his need for fine clothes!
Want to learn more about Vash and the NoReturniverse? Why not check out The Lore of No Return
Jorvin De Ghast: Cameron Gergett @Cameron_Gergett/@JasperZoink
Salryn Ilanora: Gemma Maclean-Mair
‘Swifty’: Jack Duncan
GM: Dylan Smith
Welcome to the fate of Dea, our actual play spinoff of the audio drama no Return. I am your DM Dylan, joined by my amazing co-DM, and I guess he's kind of important because he created this world. Keir Zheu hello Keir, how are you?
Speaker 2:I'm very well. Thank you, and you may refer to me as God.
Speaker 1:I won't. It's not just the two of us. We have players, fantastic players. So, cameron, you're the first on my screen going this way. So I'm going to say do you want to give yourself a little introduction? Tell everyone at home about you and who you are, and tell me you can tell me what your favourite colour is.
Speaker 3:My favourite colour okay. Well, I'm Cameron, I am a student and I am a fan of the colour red.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's very non-committal Cameron. I'm not really feeling it.
Speaker 3:Would you like me to do more?
Speaker 1:Tell me what's your favourite one. Tell me.
Speaker 3:The favourite one, oh, the crimson of a morning sky.
Speaker 1:Oh, okay, yeah, I like that. We also have Gemma. Hi, gemma, I'm going to ask you as well as introducing yourself, you're going to tell me what your favourite food is.
Speaker 4:Hi, I'm Gemma. I'm a stay-at-home mum and I love lasagna. I would eat lasagna every day.
Speaker 1:Do you also hate Mondays?
Speaker 4:I do so. I should be best friends with you.
Speaker 1:And then, of course, we have Jack. Jack, what question we're going to ask you? I'm going to ask you to tell me your deepest, darkest secret that you've never told anyone in the entire world.
Speaker 5:Alright, fair enough, I'm Jack. I am a pro GGM and TTRPG writing goblin man. My deepest, darkest secret I've never told anyone is that I am actually personally responsible, via a sort of convoluted time travel plot involving some now erased chronomancy. I am responsible for the corruption and the fall of Lucifer and introducing evil into this narrow mortal plane of ours. I knew it.
Speaker 1:And it's a pleasure to have you here, thank you, thank you. I'm so glad you could take time out of your busy, busy world-cropting schedule for this.
Speaker 5:Bit awkward, by the way, dellen, to be here with God, considering I'm responsible for polluting his creation. But alright, you know. Hey, bud, nice to meet you again. It's been a while. I had my suspicions. Well, of course, you know, I'm Nisdian, so I was expecting.
Speaker 1:Okay, so we're gonna play a little bit of D&D. I'm gonna say you've probably listened to our episode zero, which explains what we're doing, and if you haven't, go listen to that now, as that will cover anything that we're not gonna say right now, I hope. Welcome to the world of Ersut-Latari, a world where magic intertwines with curses, ancient prophecies herald doom and the balance between survival and annihilation is as fragile as a spider's tread. Here gods have turned their backs on mortals and tree world curses cast long shadows over the land. But this is not a story of the entire world, but of the region known as Vash, a region in the northern reaches of this land, dominated by the large lake Noor, from which flows the mysterious backwards river where Droy. Nestled between the shores of this lake and bordered by the river and guarded from the south by the Turkan Mentans, we find Dea, the centerpiece of this story, a city that has withstood the test of time, enduring 99 years of relentless civil war, a city of duty, dreams and defiance. We open on the streets of Dea, this large, proud and stone walled town currently home to various governments of the Northern Alliance, some of these displaced from their cities by the warlords plaguing the lands. Here we see a city happy, mostly unconcerned with the troubles of war. In fact, spirits are quite high in general. The armies have been sent off to liberate Vassay. Vassay, vassay this is where Kher comes in to correct me if I'm saying things wrong. Vassay, vassay Nailed it. The armies have been sent off to the liberate Vassay. The regions of historical capital, the warlords' alliance's forces are beaten, bloodied and very much on the back foot. This long war finally has an end within sight and as the morning sun begins to peek over the walls, our view shifts through the busy streets, through the government quarters where all of those diplomats and dignitaries, leaders and policy makers gather to make the air hotter with their speech, each of them seeking to push their own personal agendas. It shifts through the mostly empty barracks quarters, home now only to the mercenaries, the elite Aurelian regiment and the infamous Vasek Anaya, sole protectors now of the city. If you don't count a few hundred city guards, we see a night guard's woman, a member of the Moonshields, weirdly finishing her shift, briefing her sunshield counterpart of another mostly dull night. Along the winding back streets we go until we get to the poorer part of town. Our view goes past a small shack where inside, away from prying eyes, a charlatan is going through the hall from the night before. But past all of this, our view goes to a certain character played by Jack, who has just woken up and is going through his morning ritual. Jack, could you please introduce and describe your character?
Speaker 5:Okay, so my character is a gentleman who you smell him before you see him and you hear him before you smell him. He is a figure bedecked in patchwork, amaturishly assembled but extremely well cared for armour that covers the entirety of his body, from head to toe, while really not offering anywhere near as much protection as you can imagine armour like that should. He is finishing his morning ritual, where he is atoning for all of the sinful behaviours he may have considered conducting during his dreams for the night. This particular night he had no dreams, and so he has to assume that whatever occurred was so shameful that his waking mind has expunged it from his conscious thoughts. So his self-flagellation this morning is particularly brutal, especially because he does so while wearing full armour and with a mall. So he is just finishing off hammering a mall into his own back. Now, that's for whatever it was I was thinking last night. You disgusting creature That'll bruise up nicely Right, put a little bit of salve on that, and on with the day. He pulls out his agenda for the day, written in a scrawling, twisted, not quite literate script, which only he can really make heads or tails of, writes out a half remembered quote from a holy book he has not read and begins to patrol the streets, as he is the self-appointed guardian of the righteous and the true of this tiny little neighbourhood in which he lives.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and you're kind of walking through the neighbourhood and you see that like you come across like a pack of stray dogs and such is the smell that you emanate. They like scatter, like they're at the order in the street. They already leave. Some of them, like you know, rabies written and stuff are usually quite like Dothal and don't move at all. Even these ones kind of like pick themselves up and like scamper away, such as like the force of your arrival.
Speaker 5:As we don't want your thoughts here, come on away with you. I see my reputation precedes me even in the world of the canine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're kind of walking through kind of people are setting up you're very much in the slums and people are, you know it's. They're setting up the very kind of like ramshackle stalls where they're kind of like selling various kind of like trinkets that they have, you know, maybe scavenged, or maybe some of them have come upon these via unscrupulous means, some of them setting up just like like food stations and food stalls and things like that, mostly, despite the dogs kind of giving you a wife birth. A lot of locals have kind of just learned to live with you, I think, and what would they call out to you? What would they call you by? Or is there a name that you've given them?
Speaker 5:Well, the only name he's introduced himself by for the past probably decade or so that he's been active wandering around here is I'm a swift justice upon the wings of fury. I imagine most people are not using that full title when they speak with him.
Speaker 1:You see, there's someone who's setting up kind of little like empanada stall or something. Yo Swifty, what's happening?
Speaker 5:I assume you are yes that is a moniker, not my hello. Good morning citizen. I am patrolling, as you can see. Have you come to me for aid? Or perhaps to hear from the good word? And he pulls out a. I mean, calling it a book is an insult to literature, is like an assemblage of different sheets of paper, clearly manufactured in different ways and by different styles, that he has written down his version of a holy book of sorts.
Speaker 1:No, you know me Swifty, not much one for the reading. I was kind of hoping you might just you know finally convince you to buy one of my pastries. Their farms have been particularly fruitful. We got got some nice bounty in from them. This one's got some carrots and some goat. You want you interested in that goat?
Speaker 5:I mean, save your excessive lavishness for someone else. My friend here, I. If you are a needle of currency, I here and he hands them. I'm two gold pieces, farewell are you sure?
Speaker 1:you see, he instantly starts breaking down his stall. And yet, like, like, just like a completely dumbfounded by this, like show of overwhelming generosity and or stupidity it's a healthy, a healthy mix of the two of them. Yeah you continue your route true to city. We're not even true to city. To kind of show your neighborhood, you're very much a local quote unquote friendly neighborhood religious man and yet, to be honest, it's it's quite quiet. This is wartime, although you wouldn't really know it in day. Apart from, there's been quite a lot of refugees lately and kind of with that comes some unrest. A lot of, you know, struggle for accommodation, for resources and things like that. A lot of them have taken up jobs in the surrounding farms and villages in a kind of effort to increase production, not only for the increased population of the city but also for the war effort. You know some more hands are needed and so it's definitely not a necessary, a negative opinion people have. These people are very welcoming for the extra hands that's needed and but there's been a kind of a lot of a lot of effort needed to get them house, a property, looked after. So you know, things maybe haven't come to blows yet, but they're still a lot of kind of grumbling and you know some of them have resorted to crime, but not all of them, and some of the crime is happening just from in the city itself as well. But this morning, fairly quiet, and as you kind of continue your rounds you kind of get your halfway point. There is an old temple that's now kind of not used anymore really in this kind of like rundown part of town, and I'm going to turn to my co-dem here and say what temple was this, that this used to be so most major cities would have at least one major temple to the lady of light and love.
Speaker 2:I that is going to be, I think, the most, the most common and oldest of the of the temple structures you would find in the city of day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you come to this old temple of eye. It's not even in disrepair, it's. It's a ruin. It's kind of, you know, mostly ramshackle and mostly the all the walls are kind of falling down. But what you use it for is a training ground, because this is perfect. There are large stones around, there are, you know, bits of like old ceiling joists and things like that. And as you kind of walk into this you hear a voice of someone that you meet here every day, your little friend Hector. And Hector chimes up and he's like all right, 50. What's the story? You're fucking ready to do some fighting.
Speaker 5:I'm ready, come on you prick Hector, hector, hector. Young man, we have discussed this several times. My name is Swift Justice upon the wings of fury and, as your knight and your mentor, I wouldn't system your language perhaps being more in keeping with these ceremonial reverence. Such a place in stills, with no more of this effing and blinding, please.
Speaker 1:I would be appreciated, but right, but how are they supposed to know that I'm gonna fucking bait them Sorry, I mean effing bait them you know, I'm gonna give me all one to maybe even the three for the occasional.
Speaker 5:Yes, so a good, a good cry of prepare for death evil doers quite often works for me. Or say farewell to your kneecaps. Naive is quite good as well. Sometimes, as I've explained to you, crippling them is a better option than hitting them on the head, so I prefer blunt instruments. I see you're wielding that little dagger again, right.
Speaker 1:Yes, the thing is the dagger is, you know it kind of gets right in the joints, you know kind of like a little dagger you know, you know kind of you know got those two bones in your arm. If you get a dagger right in the middle of those two bones, right at the elbow, man, that sucks, I'll tell you that I you do make a good point.
Speaker 5:That would certainly be a good deterrent to criminalize.
Speaker 1:Would you say that that's a real good, like repentance piece.
Speaker 5:You have been listening to your lessons, haven't you?
Speaker 1:Yes, Listen, listen, justy alright or justy fury, whatever you want to be called Like. I mean you kind of you got it first off. You need to change your name, right, I think it's. Listen, you teach me the good ways for it and I can teach you the good ways of living on the streets, you know between you and me. No, hang on, hang on. Start of that is having a great street name. I think you need a street name, miss. What about? What about Mr Fury?
Speaker 5:That's interesting. It doesn't really get me. The part about the swift justice is missing. I did toy with another name Originally and then, of course, swift justice upon the wings of fury, not my given name by my parents, but it's yeah. But Mr Fury, I mean it implies I'm not wanting. If it's just fury, then they'll believe I'm some sort of marauder or lunatic wandering the city committing random acts of violence.
Speaker 1:Oh no, yeah, that's definitely not. That's definitely not what the case is I should hope not.
Speaker 5:I have gone to every effort to make sure that they know I am a holy warrior for justice and, as you will be, to my friends. But I say a good, an excellent dagger in straight into one of the joints to popping one of them out, excellent tool for repentance. I will want to emphasize, though when you are performing repentance upon yourself, don't do any permanent damage. That's important.
Speaker 1:Bruises and the like worthwhile, but not until you're quite a bit older I know I haven't really gotten around to the whole self repentance yeah, kind of been more and a proactive repentance of other people.
Speaker 5:Excellent, excellent. As I say, you're powered 10 years, 12 years somewhere. Yeah, 12 years. Far too young to be doing self repentance at this point. You're still a child and pulse.
Speaker 1:I see, I am delighted you said that.
Speaker 5:Yeah, no, no, no. You know me. When I encounter these, these, these urchin runaways, I just scoop them up, place them in a barrel, seal the barrel for a couple of hours and then let them out of the barrel on hand.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I mean, look, I I really appreciate my time in the barrel. They kind of really let me see a lot of what's good in the world.
Speaker 5:And that's how I knew you would make an excellent squire. So I do, of course, have your pay, has somebody as well, just as he. You know, gent like this is a man who has never managed to hold on to any coinage for longer than 24 hours. He has it. It gets distributed to everybody. We can begin your combat training now. I think today we'll use bricks and he just picks up one big, hefty brick. Hands, hands, head, body goes. Now I just want you to try and get through my armor. Hit me as hard as you can, try and get me right here, right here in the in the face, hard as you can.
Speaker 1:So he rolled a 19 on the die. So he just blocks you with this break.
Speaker 5:How much damage do I take from that?
Speaker 1:I'm going to say improvised weapon. Oh my God, he's not that strong. So five points of damage.
Speaker 5:Oh, that loose tooth finally come out. Good job, good job, lad, excellent.
Speaker 1:Well, no, I've been practicing. You know like a lot of that repentance is doing is doing wonders for the old, for the old muscles here.
Speaker 5:I can see that I'm going, going good. See, if I'd started when I was your age, there would not be a criminal left in the city.
Speaker 1:Yeah, look about that, mr Fury. One of the things I'm struggling with is kind of like the whole. How do I know, how do I choose who the people are that need repentance? You know there's loads of new people kind of like sniffed around I don't you know. You know to usual yourselves. You know you've got the old little stick gang who kind of hang around. You know they're no good and like it's kind of like they walk around the little sticks and like, yeah, they're little pricks, little sticks. It rhymes so clearly they're no good. So I bring the repentance onto them when I can.
Speaker 5:Naturally, naturally.
Speaker 1:But like there's loads of people sniffing around that I don't really recognize, I'm kind of finding it hard to tell who's good and who's bad. If you got any kind of words of wisdom for me on that, I I made you.
Speaker 5:You've hit me with something of a foreign concept, a difficulty telling good from evil. Well, I find I expect these new comments you're speaking about on the refugees and the like.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, like some of them are refugees, some of them kind of just here trying to get some work. You know a lot of people from. I'm saying they're from from Vase or Vasoy or whatever the town is called. To be honest, I don't really care much about outside of the day, to be honest. So, like I don't know, kind of just they're here to kind of some of them just doing their own thing. Some of them they're kind of just actually shifting. Some of them actually, you know, they're kind of sniffing around the barracks and around the government buildings, something like what's their story? Kind of that maybe seems a little bit weird, but I don't know, maybe they're supposed to be there. I kind of, you know, my business kind of brings me all over the city and kind of just I'm trying to get a a kind of a sense for things. You know I'm just trying to. Is there like, is there questions I can be asked and like do I could just walk up to them and be like are you evil? Oh, I often do. Do that. Do you find, do you actually find, that it's effective?
Speaker 5:It can be from time to time. I they never really admit to it, but it tends to be a good shock to the system. I also find it's one of the reasons I distribute any of the ill gotten goods I get hold of, because those who are good and who have what they need will simply not commit criminal acts. But those who are criminals anyway, those, those I smashed with my hammer, think of it this way If they are unsmashed by my hammer, they are not evil. If they are smashed by my hammer, then they are simple, simple equation.
Speaker 1:Right. That kind of does leave up some kind of questions, as if like is this why, when you kind of do your business in the morning that I'm going to live with you, we can all?
Speaker 5:hear, I do try to keep it down.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you got to try hard.
Speaker 5:I am. I am hitting myself with a mall, you understand, yeah.
Speaker 1:Well, because you're not hurt, that means that's your proof that you're not evil. Is that? Is that kind of the the, the logic here.
Speaker 5:Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I wander streets bludgeoning people to death with a hammer. Of course I'm evil. Everyone, to a certain extent, is.
Speaker 1:It's whether or not You're not going to bludgeon me to death, are you? No, I got all the money I got to. I got to spend it.
Speaker 5:I mean, I, I shouldn't think so. I not until you're an adult, certainly If you do something in redeemably evil. Hector, hector, hector. The thing you have to know about good and evil is this Good is being good and evil is behaving in a manner contrary to the good One we should support and the other we must destroy. Do not listen to the philosophers or the grandstanders or any of these people with their fancy books who try and talk about shades of gray 50 of them 50. Now that's what they do. They twist it up. Listen, they will tell you that a man can be good and evil under a different facets. Oh, yes, he's. He robbed this woman, but he's a loving father. And nonsense. A criminal is a criminal and nothing else. And criminals must be prevented. If they can be talked out of it, excellent. If taking a finger or crushing a foot is enough to turn them around.
Speaker 1:Putting them in the barrel for a number of hours.
Speaker 5:That is reserved for children. Of course, children are not criminals, children are just boisterous lads.
Speaker 1:But that's me. I'm real boisterous.
Speaker 5:And that's why you're so often in the barrel hector.
Speaker 1:But the one thing I actually have to take up. Like the, some of the foreigners are calling it yoga and trying to loosen me out, it gets awful cramped in there. Is there any chance that you can get a bigger barrel next time?
Speaker 5:I could, I would caution you against this yoga, however, because yoga I'm given to understand it can be a form of meditation. Introspection is a very close sibling of introspection. Introspection is midwife to pridefulness, for what is introspection but solipsism sister? So do not lead with this yoga. Sit in the barrel, think upon your sins and listen to my sermons to you and the other half, a dozen or so children that will also be in other barrels that evening.
Speaker 1:Right, I'm going to try and hit you with this brick again. Excellent, the coxing with a brick you guys train physically for a little bit more, kind of going through stuff. It kind of, you know, just brings you into like the early afternoon or so and kind of our viewpoint then kind of shifts out from this truly endearing scene of a mentor and mentee going about their training.
Speaker 5:A six foot two man having the shit kicked out of him by a 12 year old with a brick.
Speaker 1:And we come back, kind of reversing our steps back, to that shack where inside was a person counting their blessings, perhaps inside after a successful night of, shall we say, business entrepreneurship. Who knows, cameron, could you please introduce your character and what they are doing at this moment in you know? We'll say it's maybe a little earlier than it's, maybe around lunch time or so.
Speaker 3:So this is a Joven Degast, the best dressed burglar, charlatan, misplaced entrepreneur in India. He has been out the night before stealing his favorite thing to steal, which is very nice clothes. So he has been trying to break into homes of merchants and shops of tailors and at this moment he is going through and trying to figure out how good the stuff it is he has actually managed to steal.
Speaker 1:And I will. I'll give that to you. How good is this stuff that you've been able to manage to steal and what's kind of what's going through Joven's mind as he's kind of like surveying his like swag from the night before? What are his plans for it?
Speaker 3:Well, sort of going through and looking at the tags and labels on things, yeah, he is realizing that this is not actually good finery. This is pathetic costume wear from a traveling band of performers or something like that. And, honestly, I have never been more furious in my life. I now have a collection of knock off hand me down garish robes and the all smell of river water as you're kind of like, you know, kind of cursing or ill fortune from this hall.
Speaker 1:There's a knock on on your door and you heard that kind of voice like a certain woman outside, and she's like Joven. Joven, come on, open up, Come on, open up.
Speaker 3:Go away. I am not impressed with last night's takings. I need my time.
Speaker 1:Well, yes, but we need to shift it. We need to kind of get some coin in here. What like are you saying that this is unusable? What's going on?
Speaker 3:No, it's not unusable. We just need to find someone foolish enough not to realize it's worth coming in In walks this, this person.
Speaker 1:She's quite small but like she still managed to look down her nose at you, no matter what, and she's probably only like maybe like five to or so, and she walks through and she's like really Joven. I mean, you know right now that madman is off doing whatever he does in that weird temple, like putting kids in barrels or something. This is our time to shift these goods. Okay, like we have to do this, and I would like you to give a name to this person Rowena. This is Rowena is not quite a fence, but she's very useful to have in shifting goods and you know that. You know she was someone that you can rely on, particularly when you've got quite a big haul. This is not something you can really do yourself and you know you've maybe you've let her know yesterday that like look, you've got something big coming up, coming in, and here's what we're going to do. We're going to get rid of it. Well, what do you mean? They're closed. I mean like there's hundreds of new arrivals in the city, like they're in need of children clothing. This is an easy way to make money. Like what's taste got to do with you? You're always so fussy.
Speaker 3:Rowena, rowena. It is a matter of principle. These are costumes. These are not fine. I didn't get into this business to start stealing in costumes.
Speaker 1:So what if you got like a. What is this Like? Okay, okay, this one is like a clearly a fake queen outfit or something. But okay, this one is like a some sort of goat man. But like, but this, this is like a. Come on, I know, this is such a plain tunic. This could be the undershirt that anyone could want. What's, what's wrong? Just because it's supposed to be on stage, you've driven sometimes. I just I just wonder where your mind is at when it comes to these kind of things.
Speaker 3:If I wouldn't wear it, I wouldn't feel comfortable fencing it. That's all I want to say.
Speaker 1:You're honestly, you're killing me, jordan. You're honestly killing me here, okay, okay. So what's the plan? What's the plan? You're trying to try to give it away, like you're going to go to dump it. You're going to do it, silly heist, to bring it back to where you got it from. We can't do that. They've noticed it's missing by now.
Speaker 3:Maybe we can find a band of merry performers or something, or I don't know. Urchins, they like clothes, don't they?
Speaker 1:Well, yes, that's the whole point. I'm trying to sell to these urchins. I'm trying to sell to it. It's business 101. We have what they need. They need what we have. We sell to them for an insane margin. It's a free margin. We stole it. Do you not understand this? This is free money we're sitting on.
Speaker 3:I didn't get into this for money. I got into this to get fine clothes, Rowena.
Speaker 1:And every day I really regret this business relationship that we have.
Speaker 3:Well, I'm sorry that you feel that way. It's been hard. It's been hard having to move crap clothes like this again.
Speaker 1:Well, look, it's not the way we'd all like to be living earning a living, but it's still earning a living. Look at me I'm wearing a bed sheet that's got a rough arms cut through it. I don't care what I look like. Okay, people look at me and they think I'm some sort of monk or something and they give me birth. And unless we do whatever I want, I don't know fashion. You know, fashion is what you brought you in here, and if you can't tell me what this is worth and what I can sell it for it, then what am I supposed to do?
Speaker 3:What am I supposed to do? Rowena, I think what you first need to do is accessorize darling. So let me go find something to really bring out that waistline. So it goes off, you know, to refine some sort of like some belts or something like that. Now, this is really just a nip and a tuck and you'll be looking fantastic again, rowena.
Speaker 1:What are those? Are those my hips? Take your clothes off. Those are going to stick off. Yeah, on. So feel theモ超 or the. I'm not sure if I like this, but I kind of do. I'm.
Speaker 3:I'm conflicted driving you Stamina, you are brilliant everyone just needs sometimes a little little love and attention from master Degast.
Speaker 1:Okay, look, what do you want to do these clothes? It, they're your clothes, you find them. I'm not gonna make money them, I'm gonna go, but if, if you want a hand shifting them, we can do it, I guess no, no, you're right, we know we should try and move them in some way.
Speaker 3:Where's a good place to to try and pull them off on some unfortunate Okay?
Speaker 1:I've got an idea if we pass this off as a charitable act, winged fury, that weird masked man who runs around the city, I think he'll look Benefactory upon us. We can, we can operate in his turf if he believes we're doing the right thing. So if we pass this off as we're doing a charitable act, we we are selling these goods for knockdown prices way below, just because just enough to cover operating costs. He'll he'll understand that I think we can go to his neck of the woods and kind of get things around there. But if we have him aside, we don't have to pay protection money. We've, we've got, we have this. He's the protection.
Speaker 3:Ah, and he is Bloody ridiculous. Yes, that is a fantastic idea yes. This is why I brought you on board, rowena. You really.
Speaker 1:I just want to fly tears. You bring, you bring the fashion. Smarts are. Bring the street smarts out. Together we create street fashion. Okay, this is what.
Speaker 3:Yes, I think you've got a good plan there. Let's I like the idea of some well-dressed urchins, that's our being, that I'm being protected by and protecting with basically upgraded upholstery.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you were a way to kind of like take up some like bundle of clothes, walk into this Swift wings of Knights fury or whatever Jack's character. It's kind of like neck of the woods Giving out clothes for like cheap enough enough that they can afford. Like she, she kind of like, is leading a lot of Negotiations in terms of like you know what she can get out of people, but, as she said, it's all. It's all pure profit, because it's all stolen goods. You know, there's this like 15 year old kid. What do they look like now that you've completely bed decked them out in this stolen costume? Right?
Speaker 3:Okay, they're wearing sort of a, a pair of what look like sort of almost cowboy boots, you know sort of late, these high boots, with you know sort of zips up the side tucked into them, or a pair of green tights which lead up to then what is basically kind of a lever skirt come kilts type thing. I sort of I want to say it looks like sort of thick, sort of silk kind of shirt and the sort of a little sort of Gila thing over the top and a big cravat which is there's barely any of their body left, to be honest, at this stage Covered yeah, and they, they look you and they're like, honestly, this is giving Such aristocracy vibes and I love it, like these boots, the fact that they go to my calves, love it, it's gonna keep me so warm come winter and like the protection from like dust and dirt alone.
Speaker 1:Fabulous, loving that, loving the green, loving the cravat. I can, just, I can dig this so much. Thank you so much. They pay for their ridiculous clothing that let's make the first roll of this game For a pair a ridiculous role and give me an insight role. Oh Is 20 overall them. They buy into it fully, but only because it's presented from you If it was, you know, they would never pick anything like this for themselves but because you've presented them in such a way that they are, they are in it and they are like I am going to be the Best dress urchin this land is ever seen, you know, and they just, they love it and they Wist, go away. Your kind of afternoon keeps, like you know, going on, your you know out, with Rowena kind of dressing up the, the town and Our, our viewpoint kind of shifts out and goes back again, back towards the barracks quarter and when we see in Kind of this barracks area. Her shift not yet begun, but she is kind of, you know, walking around talking to people that she knows, coming up to someone that is an old friend of hers and Gemma. Would you please introduce your character and what they look like and what they're doing right now?
Speaker 4:Yeah, so I'm playing. That's Salron, illinois, and she is it's kind of a Olive skinned, kind of dark haired woman. She is a half nix or half elf and she's Very definitely kind of keeping herself to herself but keeping her kind of eye out for anything that might be going on. And she's quite, quite small. But you would not want to mess with her and you kind of get that idea just from the kind of stony look on her face. Yeah, she's wearing kind of good well, good armor, but maybe not good quality. She doesn't really care about her appearance, has kind of, you know, scraped back into her into a loose ponytail bits kind of flying out in the wind and yeah, she's kind of rubbing sleep from her eye as she walks you fun have come into the like.
Speaker 1:You've been up a little bit. You're kind of just like you know you haven't begun your rounds or anything but it is. You know you're a member of the moon shields, you, you work odd hours. Well, it's already afternoon. You've only been awake maybe like an hour or so and you're kind of just like out and walking to see taking in its sights and, as you usually do, you head off to one of your friends, one of your old Fighting buddies. Describe to me who your friend is from, the fascic and I what they look like and like. Is there a specific spot that you usually meet them in, or do you kind of go and, like you know, wait for them after practice or kind of what's, what's the vibe here in how you meet them?
Speaker 4:so she Kind of heads up to Zaran, who's a quite imposing figure, quite a kind of stocky, tall guy. It's kind of shaved head and he yeah, you wouldn't want to mess with him and he's kind of Probably just about starting His shift on the on the usual post, and probably just kind of guarding the Out of walls, kind of keeping an eye on who's coming in and out. And Salrin turns to know where he's gonna be. So she wanders up and finds him just starting out.
Speaker 1:Salrin, it's nice to see you, as always, still in that Tati city guard gear. What's gonna take you? To come back to the Vashic and I Don't fucking tempt me. I think so doll. We're a bit of a bit of the same thing here. Why long for that? Feel the thrill of battle. You know Drennan is a you're facing down any something clear and in your face, not this Open, expansive nothingness, as he kind of like looks over at the City walls. You kind of you've gone up here to where he's like kind of just doing his rounds and you see there's just like farms, very small villages. We're kind of like you know, as I said, we're early afternoon, plenty of visibility. You're seeing kind of like miles out, but I wouldn't give for some fucking action. You know so what work is, where it's good, boring. He said there's two people you're looking after. What's? What's their story? This madman with the, with the dresses, always with the dresses, and this other guy with the big hammer. Are they gonna cause any trouble? Gonna see some action yet, or what?
Speaker 4:the trouble from them. Oh God, no, I, you know, I kind of thought that, maybe trying to stay in one place and do something honorable, and you know it might be interesting. But my God, this is just so dull.
Speaker 1:I told you. I told you this Think about when we finally go, when this war is over. Those warlords are on their last legs. We can. Then we're off to the next big thing. What you're going to stand here eating your tacos from your, your carts? What, Come on?
Speaker 4:Hey, they're good tacos.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but still there's tacos everywhere. Tacos are plenty.
Speaker 4:Yeah, but these are really good.
Speaker 1:Anyway, come on, are you walking with me a bit while I do my rounds?
Speaker 4:Yeah, nothing going on with you. Anything interesting, different, please, please, tell me something. I need something.
Speaker 1:I wish I could, but hey look, the money's here. Vashnik and I are here. You know what it's like, and if these dians are willing to just keep forking money for me to stand on the wall, then I'll stand on the wall. You know, boring can be good sometimes, as long as there's other times to make up for it. Yeah.
Speaker 4:Hmm, at least I got some entertainment with those weirdos that I'm babysitting.
Speaker 1:Yeah well, there'll be entertainment yet to come, I'm sure, and they also. They just see, they seem so weird, they seem so weird.
Speaker 4:They're so weird and one of them really, really smells.
Speaker 1:It's so bad Okay you know, look, look, there is a thing called soap. We have it. You can just hit him with it, it's fine.
Speaker 4:No, no, he runs from it. We try he, just he. I think once he literally threw it back at us. I think it might have knocked my friend out, and then he started hitting himself as he ran away. Yeah, it's okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there is. There is no kind of working with that kind of madness. I don't understand that's no. Hey, look, come here. If there's any excitement, you'll be the first to know.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I really, really need to. You know, just punch something really hard, that that would be.
Speaker 1:Hey, there's always training on the training grounds. You know you can come. I say this to you every day.
Speaker 4:Yeah, but everyone else. You know they judge me for leaving I. You're the only one that really talks to me now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, I know, and look, come on, and he like, he puts his hands up and like a kind of like a, like a boxing coach kind of thing. Come on, give me. Give me that one too. I've seen you use it so many times. Come on, come on Sal Redd, come on, for all time's sake, come on.
Speaker 4:All right fine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's it. You still have it, perfect, perfect.
Speaker 4:Okay, you know, I, I, I didn't really try that. I don't want to hurt your beautiful face.
Speaker 1:This face you. You thought I would be to call it beautiful, but this nose has been broken more times, like I remember, and yeah, these scars aren't getting any cleaner, but such as the life huh, You've got enough scars of your own to know.
Speaker 4:Yeah, need some more, though, you know.
Speaker 1:Ah, they'll come. They'll come, you're. You're still young, don't worry.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, thanks, don't feel it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, as you know, you kind of spend a little bit more time kind of like coming Zora and on his, on his route. Um, yeah, it's all quite, all, quite calm and kind of nighttime starts and it's time for you to actually start your shift property, more walking around, more of your favorite thing and you see that your, your like day colleague is meeting you at the, uh, like the guard barracks and she's like hey Salarine. Okay, so here we go. Um, not a whole lot to report. There has been some, a lot of reports of suspiciously well-dressed beggars, urchins and kids around. Um, not really sure where they came from. It might be something that you can look in, for Someone said they kind of just they bought them for like pennies. Not really sure if I, uh, you know, believe that or not, but I didn't really have a full chance to go into it. But you know, if you find anything out, you might let me know. Um, we did have to take and she kind of takes out a little notebook yeah, 11 kids out of barrels. Um, yeah, I know, yeah, it happened again. It's, it's it's the same every night. It's it's the same every night. But yeah, so I guess, just look if you're going around like I. I can't talk to him. If you wouldn't mind, just like talking to him and see if he can finally give up this barrel business.
Speaker 4:I don't, I don't want to go near him.
Speaker 1:I know you don't, but no one wants to. You're the only one who's kind of he's ever had any sort of like, kind of like actual word to it. I think he respects you from like, as your time as a fighter Respects me. Okay, respect is a strong word, but he tolerates you.
Speaker 4:Yeah, yeah, that's definitely what he's doing when I'm standing there.
Speaker 1:Well, look, okay, if you can do that, that would be, that would be great. Um, I'm going to go. Uh, honestly, I'm going to go drinking. So, yeah, enjoy, I guess, thanks.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 1:No worries.
Speaker 4:You too.
Speaker 1:And uh, she kind of starts, like you know, she's been like kind of taking off her like armor and so far as she's doing to kind of find the kind of like shimmies offer or chain mail. Um, hangs up uh and leaves and yeah you begin your nightly rounds and yeah, as as kind of as usual, your rounds lead you into the areas of swift justice. You smell them before you see them, um, kind of a random corner, but the two of you uh see each other.
Speaker 4:God hey, justice, I one moment Bang bang bang.
Speaker 5:Now you think about what you did while you were in the barrel.
Speaker 4:young man, no, hey, I can't talk to you about that.
Speaker 5:I assume this is related to my report about the jailbreak. Last night I returned to my barrels, not two hours after sealing, with the children within them, to discover that each and every one of the barrels had been opened, saved for the barrel of sin, reserved for only the most naughty of children, which is, of course, is kept in a secure location. Now all of the barrels have been emptied. I assume this was an act of local near the wells and I'm seeking out help finding them so I may place them within an appropriate barrel.
Speaker 4:So with that in mind, please go on Okay Justice, I'm going to say this once Stop putting kids in fucking barrels.
Speaker 5:Criminal children. Criminals in the making.
Speaker 4:They're kids. They're kids. You shouldn't be putting them in barrels. What are you thinking?
Speaker 5:I do not harm the children We've been through this I simply pick them up, place them in the barrel, seal the barrel shut and they come out like two inches shorter, like stop it. Now that is largely due to the poor nutrition which I am attempting to combat with my many exercise and calisthenics programs which you know I have been seeking public funding for and have yet to receive. But I hear your concerns. I have been trialling Concerns, a punishment crate. It is larger and allows the children to sort of curl off into a ball rather than being placed in this kind of squatting position as they are in at the moment.
Speaker 4:No, no, no, no, no. Crates, barrels, all of it, just no, just. You know, I can't believe. I have to say this Leave the kids alone, just leave them alone, just let them be.
Speaker 5:I see, ah, you and I understand one another.
Speaker 4:Right. So I'm going to leave the kids alone?
Speaker 5:I will be more discreet in my absence from henceforth. Do not worry. As a child's woman, you will not hear anything more about any barrels.
Speaker 1:As you're having this back and forth, and kind of just before you can really get into you know, admonishing um Swiftie here for his actions, salleryn, you hear a noise that you've not heard since you've taken up guard position, but it's something that is being in your training and it takes a moment for it to kind of actually like for you to realize what it is. It's like you know, you hear it and your mind has to get like cycle back through, like oh, what's my training on this? And you realize that suddenly there's like bells and like trumpets throughout all the city in a very kind of distinct like ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding this kind of just like rhythmic, kind of like chorus throughout the city beyond all belief, and at first you think it's this has to be of sake, because this is the call that goes up when the city is under attack. As you're kind of like coming to this realization, you hear pounding footsteps on these cobblestones, like streets rushing towards you, and you like hear pounding footsteps and like labor breathing, as Zoran kind of rants corner and he's like huh, huh, huh, huh, it's tight.
