No Return
No Return: An Audio Drama by Kier Zhou
Enjoy yourself in the chaotic, fantastical world of "No Return," where the worldbuilding ambition rivals Robert Jordan, the humour channels Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams, and the violence echoes Tom Sharpe—all wrapped in the indie punk aesthetic of a one man band making content on a laptop powered by a potato.
This full cast comedy fantasy spans a diverse array of tales:
- Clumsy Divine Quests: Join researchers on accidental divine missions.
- Mercenary Chaos: Witness comedic clashes between mercenaries and foreign warships.
- Eerie Mysteries: Delve into the haunting search for lost children.
- Ancient Secrets: Unearth treacherous truths in the Darklands.
- Sinister Plots: Navigate a city's dark underbelly filled with kidnappings and dark schemes.
- Ensemble Comedy of Errors: Dive into epic fantasy battles where magic and mayhem reign supreme.
- Actual Play: Follow the gripping saga of a burning city and the heroes fighting for its survival amidst chaos and intrigue. Told through a tightly edited TTRPG actual play.
And remember, for those seeking extra tales and behind-the-scenes magic, check out:
https://patreon.com/NoReturnAD
No Return
Alien Robot Space Jesus From the Future
A collaboration between Strange New Worlds and Spaced Out Tales and The NoReturniverse.
Be sure to check out The Strange New Worlds and Spaced Out Tales Podcast Feed!
Alien Robot Space Jesus From The Future is a surreal and irreverent sci-fi comedy about a well-meaning but bewildered time-travelling saviour who arrives on Earth hoping to fix humanity, only to be met with indifference, bureaucracy, and a media circus. As he stumbles through job centres, detention cells, and diplomatic summits, his mission to stop the world from destroying itself becomes increasingly farcical. Skewering political theatre, messiah complexes, and the absurdity of modern life, this radio play blends dry satire with a healthy dose of cosmic futility.
Voices From the Vortex of Bureaucracy and Beyond
- The Jaw-Dropping John Kennard as the indomitable Alien Robot Space Jesus From The Future
- The Astounding Abbie Jordan-Tickle brought practiced dispassion to the Job Centre Clerk
- The Kinda-Knavish Kier Zhou tried his best as the Angry Job Seeker
- The Jubilant Jim Cogan lent machine-like charisma to the Job Centre Terminal
- The Kinetic Kat McQueen served up sass as Job Centre Agent 1
- The Commanding Cameron Gergett countered with indifference as Job Centre Agent 2
- The Mighty Matt Evans brought polite peace making to the Police Officer
- The Luminous Lauren Deakin investigated truth as the Journalist
- The Gravitas-Gilded Girunduu governed gloriously as the Prime Minister
- The Blazing Brandon Gamblin oozed menace as Agent Orange
- The Charismatic Chris Bauso made mayhem as President Biggle Guff
- The Justifiably Jaded Joe Killcar almost kept secrets safe as the Secret Service Agent
- The Dynamic Danielle Thuen reported on reports as the Reporter
- The Stoic Stephen Newhand offered the voice of the everyman as Man on the Street
- The Kinda-Kooky Kier Zhou multitasked heroically as both Woman on the Street and Ambiguously Gendered Pedestrian
- The Divine Dylan Smith pontificated perfectly as The Pope
- The Kinda-Confused Kier Zhou also moonlighted as Supreme Leader Bum Suk’s Interpreter
- The Legendary Loretta Chang diplomatically decoded for the (totally fictional) President Wei Ni Xiong
- The Magnificent Michael Secha translated tyranny for President Tupin
- The Electrifying Emily Morse-Lee transcended reality as the Alien Robot Space God
Script Sacrificed by the Chronically-Chaotic Kier Zhou
Sound Sculpted by the Begrudgingly-Busy Kier Zhou, with Consultant Conjurer Jim Cogan
Produced with Unearned Confidence by Kier Zhou & Jim Cogan
Lyrics for The Apocalypse Hymn written by Kier Zhou & reverently reworked by Jim Cogan
Music composed, performed, and sanctified by Jim Cogan
The Apocalypse Hymn was gloriously butchered by “The Cast”
